Why I Am My Own “#Goals” and Nobody Else Is

Struggling with my weight is nothing I’ve been hush about. From emotional eating to dieting in an obsessively unhealthy way, I feel like I’ve dealt with it all. At my largest size, I would eat fast food twice a day. At that size, I never worked out and would feel out of breath when I walked up a flight of stairs. At my smallest size, I considered peanut butter to be the devil because there were “too many calories.” Also, at my smallest size I was a miserable twat who did cardio-only exercises 6 days a week. If I didnt get an hour of cardio in for the day, I would have this voice in the back of my head telling me “you’re going to gain all your weight back.”


largest size & smallest size (obviously!)

The past couple of months, I’ve considered my diet to be…”uncensored.”

What do I mean by an “uncensored” diet?

Well, typically I have a “standard lifestyle” that was at once life changes that formed into habits. Since my major weight loss, I’ve always stuck with low calorie alcoholic beverages, never touched candy, and only ate dessert on special occasions. I would seldom order pizza or fried food anytime I went out to eat. There was always this will power/inner strength/voice in the back of my head to remind me of these things.

On the “uncensored” diet, the “will power/inner strength/voice in the back of my head” is shut off, and my taste buds take over. Suddenly, my choices on the menu weren’t narrowed down to salads and grilled chicken, the whole menu was up for grabs. As we all know, once you start eating pizza, cookies and all that other heavenly tasting stuff, healthy food loses it’s pizazz. It’s always the first sign of “you’re eating too much shit” when fruit doesn’t taste like candy anymore, and vegetables are a chore to eat.

Luckily, I’ve always been smart enough to see the signs of when I’m letting bad habits come back. I did gain weight, but caught myself before it got to the point of no return. I knew I needed to set myself small goals and get back into shape. I also knew I wasn’t going to address losing weight the same manner that I had in the past. I would always base my progress on what other people looked like, not the improvements I saw in my health. I was also never happy with myself, no matter how much weight I lost, it was NEVER enough.

Photographer Oscar Plunkett reached out to me about doing a photo-shoot, which is my first legitimate photo-shoot since I gained weight. I knew I had to use this photo-shoot as a way to help myself get back on track, and get into my healthy lifestyle again. My overall goal this time around? Get back to a previous size of that I’ve been, but with more muscle tone and less stress about getting to that size. Instead of being “skinny” or basing my progress on someone else, I was going to base it on me and my happiness. I can’t be anyone else but myself, so why am I basing my fitness goals on someone elses body?

The first week into clearing up my bad habits, I cut out a decent amount of the bad foods that I was consuming regularly. I didn’t overdo it, because I didn’t want to go on a binge eating rampage because I went cold turkey into a strict diet. These are the major changes I made in my lifestyle this week….


  1. Cut down on my sugary, creamy coffee intake. Instead of drinking coffee everyday, switch off every other day with tea. I always drink my tea with stevia and a drop of organic creamer. On days I drank coffee, I would measure out how much creamer I was using.
  2. Cut cheese out of my daily breakfast. If I was craving cheese with my eggs, I would sprinkle a small amount of fresh parmesan onto them.
  3. Turned down all sweets, and candy. Opted for my own “desserts”  which consisted of unsweetened flattened bananas, or organic apples with cinnamon and peanut butter.
  4. Only consumed alcohol one night this week, and it was low calorie choice.
  5. DRANK TONS OF WATER! I was habitually leaving myself dehydrated.
  6. My workouts were turned into a mix of weight lifting with cardio instead of cardio only.

This is what 6 days a week of cardio only looks like (wheres my ass?!)


  1. Pancakes on Sunday, but with a low calorie syrup.
  2. Allowed myself one cheat dinner, in which I picked whatever I wanted. Chicken pot pie was my choice, and I highly regret it. Why? because it was gross AF.


After all of this…I lost 2.6lbs this week! I feel like a million bucks because the small changes have paid off. I’m ready to make myself proud again, and go fourth in a healthier aspect, mentally as well as physically. I avoided blogging and modeling because of my weight gain, but what kind of “inspirational blogger” would I be if let something like a little weight gain make me hide from the world? I’m not perfect, neither are you. There’s always bumps in the road, but there is always something to learn from them, and reminder to yourself that you are strong enough to overcome them.

The 2.6lbs I lost  this week may be small but it me it’s a big deal. This is why I’m my own #goals.Why aim for someone elses life when I can create my own beautiful one? What is it about yourself that makes you proud? Take a minute today to reflect on a positive side of yourself, whether its your smile or genuine kindness to others. After all, you are pretty damn be-you-tiful!


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